I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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