seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
