Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
