okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
