So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
