if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
