I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
