new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
