I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
