yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
