I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
