Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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