it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
