apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
