I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
