He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
