Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
