i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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