Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
