3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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