and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
