Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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