I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I forget how to act sober
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
