Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
