Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
