i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
