You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
