You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
