I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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