I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
