I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize