'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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