I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
