I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
third nipple confirmed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
