I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
