Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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