I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
