Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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