how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
