my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
