man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize