guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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