2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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