I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
