she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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