Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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