I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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