Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
