we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
