After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
