Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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