and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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