too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
