They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
