I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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