What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
