I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
