Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
