remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
