You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize