Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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