We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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