It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
