why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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