I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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